Many people find it difficult to control their anger. When people seek anger management for dealing with their anger it is often as a last resort. This often occurs when someone has been hurt or the recipient of anger say “I’ve have had enough” or “things have to change otherwise it is over.” This means that the expression of anger has been allowed to develop to a level which cannot be tolerated. Often this means that someone has got hurt or felt very scared and has now awoken to the risk.
It is often at this point that the one expressing the anger takes stock and realises that they have to do something about it. They need some anger management techniques to learn how to take control of their anger. This is when people come to therapy knowing that they have to change the way they behave when they are angry. At this point often people want some advice and “be told” how to control their anger.
This is understandable when you realise how anger works. People who have difficulty controlling their anger do so because, in many ways, they believe their anger is caused by external influences. People often say “they made me angry” or blame other people for how they feel. Because of this “belief” that external causes their anger it makes perfect sense that they would believe that an external influence could now take control of their anger i.e an anger management technique.
Focusing on the external stimuli believing this has caused us to be angry is the contaminated thinking at the root of all anger.
Many anger management techniques tend to reinforce this idea because they offer techniques that on the surface appear to instil control. These various techniques attempt to move us away from the intensity of our anger. These approaches can be very useful in the initial stages so that we can gain some control. However it is not the anger management technique that brings the control it is the decision we make to change our relationship to our anger which makes the difference.
No technique is more powerful than our anger! But awareness is.
However the main value of this is that we start to develop some space between our anger and our behaviour. So we start to be able to feel anger without acting on it. This is vital in the process of change and once we have gained some control of our anger then we can start to develop awareness and understanding over the true nature of our anger and how it arises within us.
We have taken the most vital step. Creating separation between what we feel and how we act.
Once the control of anger has been established fundamental change can take place. However resolution of anger is not about self-control. If we think of anger as the result of a contaminated view then understanding and changing the way we process our experience is where resolution is truly found.
What is really needed is a process of developing self-awareness and gaining understanding of where anger really comes from. When we realise that this is not about the external world and how people “make us angry” but is about our own internal world and what we feel angry about then our perspective and relationship with anger changes. We can then process anger differently. This goes way beyond anger management techniques as it helps us understand our current way of processing our experience and helps us connect this up to many aspects of our psychology which leads to a deeper connection with who we are.
CURRENT NEWS: I offer a 50% reduction for the initial consultation.
The initial consultation will last 50 minutes and will give you a chance to meet with me so you can get a sense of what psychotherapy with me will be like. The price for this is £35.
Psychotherapy can help us:
- Take control of our life
- REDUCE CONFLICT: internal
- Overcome our struggles
- Deal with DEPRESSION
- Find meaning and purpose in life
- Overcome difficult feelings: anxiety, ANGER, grief, fear
- Deal with stress
- Cope with psychiatric illness
- Increase the quality of our relationships
- Deal with panic attacks
- OVERCOME REPETITIVE LIFE PATTERNS
- Get out of our stuck experiences
- Grow and develop
- Learn new parenting skills
- Overcome sexual difficulties: past or present
- Deal with domestic abuse: past or present
- Deal with self-limiting beliefs
- Discover who we are
- Stop smoking
- Increase our self awareness
- Learn how to succeed
- Increase our self-esteem
- Deal with obsessive behaviour
- Change our negative thinking
Thank you for visiting my website
Hello and welcome to the Kingston Psychotherapy website. My name is Michael Hartley. I am a qualified psychotherapist and have been in private practice since 1995. I offer psychotherapy for individuals and couples.
What you can find on this website
This website has information about what psychotherapy is and how it may help you. You can also find information about the types of issues you can address in psychotherapy. There is also information about psychotherapy for couples which you may find helpful if you are considering couples therapy.
Further to this I have written a brief autobiography so you have some knowledge about me, what my experience and level of expertise is. I have included this because I believe choosing the right therapist is a crucial ingredient in the success of psychotherapy. I hope this information is of use to you.
I hope you find what you are looking for.